Makin' Memories of Us
It's been reported that at Nicole Kidman's wedding to Keith Urban, he sang "Making Memories of Us". On a whim, I got the cd to see what Nicole sees in this guy. And oh my...what a man! Listen to the chorus & picture her hearing her groom sing, "And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you, And I'll earn your trust making memories of us" He goes on to declare, "I wanna stand out in a crowd for you; A man among men. I wanna make your world better than it's ever been" I confess I sobbed. Because I'm married to a man among men, it hit me how very much I want that for my daughters. I want them to find a guy who's the whole package. My own path to Mr. Right was crooked. I want better for them. I want them to choose someone who's the whole package & also for them to be a whole package themselves. It's my great hope my girls never settle.
We have a good marriage & seeing a healthy example is key. But there are things I want to teach my girls. I've begun to explain some kids act nice because they want you to like them & when you do, they act mean. If that happens, just leave. There are plenty of truly nice kids out there. Never do I want them to know the humiliation or grief that comes from sacrificing your dignity for someone who doesn't deserve it. Never do I want them to think that they have to settle for someone who isn't healthy, tender or devoted. Never do I want them to find themselves broken & ashamed of what their life has become. That's partly why we discuss the importance of manners & respect now that they're young. I believe if I instill a strong understanding of self-respect & fortify it with a clear expectation of such from others, then they can avoid traps I did not. I've even begun to work on communicating the idea that we try to help people, but in the end, people have to want to be helped. Sometimes you have to move on to others who appreciate your help & give you some back. I'm not sure if they get it overall, but hey, in case co-dependency is hereditary....
Will I ever tell my girls some of the darker tales of the failures of my past? Yes, when it's appropriate. I want to be wisely honest with them. Right now I'm focusing on laying a foundation of skills that strengthen their concept of who they are & what they should expect from others. If I could pinpoint one thing that was missing in my life before I got things together, it would be a sense of self-worth. I had to see myself as worth the effort & worth being treated well. No one could do that for me. I hope my girls will learn early how precious & valuable they are. I hope they will learn that most folks are precious & valuable. But I also hope they learn some people are toxic. It doesn't matter why. It matters to stay away & find friends who are as good to you as you are to them. Life's too short to spend it on those who won't enjoy it or don't respect you. It matters most that we try to be be the best people we can be, & that we fill our lives with others doing the same. In the daily interplay of giving & receiving, we create the warmest memories. And we'll earn the trust of those we respect most while makin' memories of us.
Comments
That's so appropriate for where I am right now with my teenaged daughter. She's not entered the arena of boy/girl relationships, but it still rings true when you're considering friendships. This age is so desperate for acceptance & I just don't want her settling for friends that don't honor her worth just to feel included. I've learned I have to involve her in as much as I can for her to find her worth and value before I can hope or count on it from friends.
Posted by: Debn | July 17, 2006 07:50 PM
Well said and well written. Understanding our own self worth is an ongoing lesson.
Posted by: Janice Silver | July 19, 2006 10:35 AM