Mean People Stink
Let's get this straight. Nothing is lower than victimizing children. Nothing.
It's unspeakably tragic that the kids involved with the CO, WI or PA school shootings were hurt, saw horrific things, had to make wrenching choices, or were forced to flee the face of blatant evil. No child should ever have to endure such horror. It grieves me to think of the years of fear & sorrow now unleashed in the minds of every kid in those schools. I try not to shield my girls from understanding the world can be a painful place. No, I don't want them to learn particularly gruesome or graphic details, but I do fear they'll be prey to any manipulator if they grow up thinking the world is fairy tale nice. It's not. As parents, we want to empower kids to deal with dangerous situations yet not steal too much of their innocence. Here are some of the great ideas I learned from my girlfriends. Feel free to post your own below. We'll learn a lot from circulating helpful info. Maybe we can protect another child from permanent harm.
Tracie shared that she's taught her girls if they ever need rescue & she's not there, always go to a Mommy & ask for help. I loved that explanation because it makes sense to little minds. A Mommy is a pretty safe bet if you're in a precarious position. I made sure my eldest could recite her phone number as soon as possible so if anyone ever took her, she'd know how to call or tell someone else (like a Mommy or a policeman). Never assume kids know who IS safe, be clear about it.
Cheryl says explain to your daughters if anyone tells them not to tell you about things because they'll hurt you or your family that they're lying. She explained that because they're liars, "You should tell me as soon as you can because I WILL protect you if I know." Several of my dearest friends are incest survivors, so I know this is critical to explain to our kiddos. We need to discredit predators BEFORE they can strike. A child needs to understand if someone threatens you not to tell, it's a sure sign THEY will get in trouble & not you. Kids need to be clear we'd not be mad at THEM because they're used to getting in trouble if something naughty happens.
My girls understand if someone tries to get them to go with them, it means that person intends to steal them. Even my 4 yr old is cautious that if anyone tries to take her, she's to yell "You're not my Mom! Stop trying to steal me!" or "Someone please help me! I'm being stolen from my Mom!" These type comments draw immediate attention. Susan used the Safe Side video developed by the creator of Baby Einstein & John Walsh to discuss lots of scenarios with her kids. (
I've tried to gently explain sometimes bad things will happen in life. I've begun to teach them that we have to steel ourselves in such moments & try to keep making smart choices. I think of those poor little Amish boys who probably feel guilty for leaving the girls inside, but they need to know they're not to blame for the choices of a madman. The children who endured the Holocaust never understood it was coming or what it was during the process. The ones who survived to have quality lives afterwards were the group who understood evil possibly could happen, but that if we make the best choices we can, we can find love & hope again. In this era we do little to equip our children with the emotional musculature to survive the unexpected hardships life might serve. Perhaps due to our own fears, we avoid teaching crisis skills. We don't want to scare them, but they need to know life is not always easy or fair. They need the protection such understanding affords them. Most adults are very good people who only want to help children, but some are not nice.
It's not fair that evil exists. It's not fair we must equip our kids to deal with it when they deserve a time of innocence. Yet, we do not do everything in life because it's easy or fair. As Moms, we do what needs to be done to best support our children growing up healthy & hopeful. There's still so much good in the world we can show our children. Good parenting is that fine balance of equipping them to savor the good & survive the bad. Can I get an amen, sisters?
Comments
Amen sister, Keep those babies safe and informed so they make good choices in bad situations.
Posted by: Cheryl | October 23, 2006 08:38 AM
AMEN! We must teach our kids these skills, but let's hope that they never need them.
Posted by: Susan | October 26, 2006 08:02 PM
Amen, sista! It's a scary world out there. I wish my kids could just not ever be out of my sight- ever!
I'm sending this to every mother I know! Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | November 3, 2006 03:52 PM