Must Be Present to Win
I begin my Gratitude List with our family, friends, health, safe community, good schools, etc. My material goods are further down. A housefire can take them & I'd rebuild (well, except for losing the pictures, for some reason that'd just kill me). But If we lost our health or there was terrible strife in our family, it'd be truly devastating. As parents, we're to teach our kids our values through lessons, discussion, & actions. Kids who think it's essential to get a BMW for their 16th or can't live without their cell or Gameboy are missing the mark. We've got to make sure our children value what matters most. Strong morals & values do not just happen, even in good families. Learning to live with gratefulness & purpose are disciplines we work on most of our lives. It's never too early to start.
The critical element of gratefulness is being genuinely present to notice the details. Our lives are filled with the thrum of our activities & commitments, but are we truly aware of the good while it's happening? Are we missing the simple joys, mundane acts of goodness, the love being daily offered to us? It's easy to stop paying attention to what truly matters. Living with purpose is focusing on what we value most & not just mindlessly going along. It requires a bit of effort, thought & determination. Yet a life lived thoughtfully renders us personally fulfilled & enabled to share the best of who we are. Andy Wickstrand, environmental advocate, said it this way, "I believe when we live without intention something integral is vacant from our souls and indeed all of humanity misses out." It's so true! We've got to get beyond letting others or even the rush of life tell us what to do. We can take back our destinies at any moment & our children need to know that.
We've so many daily opportunities to appreciate our lives. Each time we pause from the daily grind & relish a moment, we do a little mental push-up. Our ability to control & enjoy our lives is strengthened when we focus. Sometimes at stoplights I make myself feel the steering wheel, smell the air, & just be grateful for my family & our life. A moment of reminding myself what's good. As I take laundry from the dryer, I say a little prayer of thanks if we're all healthy today, and I say a prayer for those we know who are not. When I drive by an accident, I'm thankful we're safe, & I send a prayer for those hurt, as well as those who'll be getting a tough phone call. Waiting in lines, I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have such swell little girls & a husband I admire. There are a million moments to reflect on what's good in our lives right then. We just have to choose to be open. First we must intend to find what's beautiful in our times & then create ways to remind ourselves. It's not so hard. And we must teach our children to do this.
I'm big on pointing out sunsets, fall leaves, pretty flowers, the smell of a freshly mown lawn, etc. When I show them I add, "Aren't we lucky we saw that today? It's so cool, huh?!" Days or weeks later, I'll say, "Remember when we saw the snow on the mountains? We're so lucky we get to see that, some kids don't get to live near the mtns." It's my way of helping them to notice good around them & be grateful. When they want something new, we often talk about how it's possible we might get it, but what it costs & how not all children might be able to have that. I've friends who give one toy away each time they get a new one. Since our family is a "yours, mine & ours", we talk about what it means to have a loving family & how not all kids are lucky enough to have one. We talk about ways to be kind to someone who doesn't, & we discuss how they too can create a loving family by making wise choices. I try to daily tell them I love them, daily hug them, & daily mention what I see them doing right in between rants about why their hair isn't brushed yet or their shoes are still in the walkway for the 40 millionth time. Life's not simple or tidy. We just do our best each day. When we fail, we just get up again as soon as we can. Improvement is a matter of tiny gains & not giving up until we're proud.
Have you told your kids what they mean to you? Does your partner? If we asked if you're a grateful person, would they agree? Every day is a crisp, new chance to be open to the goodness in our lives. Each day presents a fresh chance to help our children learn to create lives they love. We just gotta remember we "Must Be Present to Win".