Every River Runs to the Sea
Lately I've been hearing from friends struggling with various ferility issues. It pretty much nails any Mom straight in the heart to hear another woman's sorrow. We know how precious our children are & how they've made our lives. There are so many babies born unwanted, & to hear of any couple struggling is pure frustration. I was thinking about infertility & about all the struggles in life where we smash a wall emotionally. Certain struggles make or break us as humans because we squarely face our deepest expectations. We face what life is if they're never made real. Gutwrenching & heartbreaking....the combo platter no one wants. I was thinking how many women must read these blogs while struggling with issues like this. I found myself wanting to find a few words that might possibly help the long night pass without stealing her joy. It's a powerful to traverse the valley of the shadow of sorrow. I don't want to speak glibly. It's too important. Here are a few thoughts tenderly offered respecting that each couple must deal with these things in ways that honor their own truth.
I'm the mother of two daughters & a stepmother to a college student. We have steps, half-sibs, adopted & bio kids in our mix. From this place, I can tell you that there are many paths to build a great family. No one path is best. If test tubes, surrogates, airplanes to foreign lands or marrying into parenthood are offered, hey, it may not be such a bad thing. Our expectations really shape much of our life experience. I once told a friend I wanted to adopt. She was shocked & asked "Why?" Then I was shocked. I asked why she thought adoption was weird. She said she carried her children in her body & that was a huge bond. She reasoned she could not love an adopted child as much. I tried to gently point out that while carrying a child is an emotional bond for the mother, the child has no real idea who you are yet. Love grows with time. (Geez, not all children make their mothers proud. How many executions is there a mother who says there's no way her baby could do what they claim? Parenting, like life, is a dice roll.) So I told my friend I believed I could love any baby if I was allowed to be their mother. Almost a year to the day later my friend went to Russia to bring home her first of what would turn out to be 4 adopted children! She had 2 bio, making her the Mom of 6 now. She says there are ways it's different because you can see Uncle X's eyes or Grandma's feisty temper, but the love you have for them is the same. Exactly the same. She never expected the familly she has. But she couldn't imagine her life without any of them. Of course, I should note only one is a teenager so far & things could go change...ha. All paths to family are precious & sacred. There is no right way to become a parent.