MomMe TV Blog :: "Tara Says"

I begin my Gratitude List with our family, friends, health, safe community, good schools, etc. My material goods are further down. A housefire can take them & I'd rebuild (well, except for losing the pictures, for some reason that'd just kill me). But If we lost our health or there was terrible strife in our family, it'd be truly devastating. As parents, we're to teach our kids our values through lessons, discussion, & actions. Kids who think it's essential to get a BMW for their 16th or can't live without their cell or Gameboy are missing the mark. We've got to make sure our children value what matters most. Strong morals & values do not just happen, even in good families. Learning to live with gratefulness & purpose are disciplines we work on most of our lives. It's never too early to start.

The critical element of gratefulness is being genuinely present to notice the details. Our lives are filled with the thrum of our activities & commitments, but are we truly aware of the good while it's happening? Are we missing the simple joys, mundane acts of goodness, the love being daily offered to us? It's easy to stop paying attention to what truly matters. Living with purpose is focusing on what we value most & not just mindlessly going along. It requires a bit of effort, thought & determination. Yet a life lived thoughtfully renders us personally fulfilled & enabled to share the best of who we are. Andy Wickstrand, environmental advocate, said it this way, "I believe when we live without intention something integral is vacant from our souls and indeed all of humanity misses out." It's so true! We've got to get beyond letting others or even the rush of life tell us what to do. We can take back our destinies at any moment & our children need to know that.

Continue reading "Must Be Present to Win" »

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Thanksgiving is comin' soon. Oh, the food! The fall-themed decorations! Families gathering! We Moms have so much to do! Has stopping a moment to think of all we have to be grateful for made the List? Have we told our loved ones we're thankful for them? Have we challenged them to consider what they're grateful for in their own lives? It's easy to give lip service to the idea we should be thankful. I mean, we all think that's a great idea. But kids learn little from our intentions & so much from our actions.

I'm culling a list of ideas for helping kids consider & express their gratitude. It feels great for me to think of all the things I'm thankful for in this chapter of my life. Freshens my perspective & energizes me. I want that for my children as well. Being grateful gives us a worldview that nourishes & propels us through the days. That's why I try to create or leverage every teachable moment I can. Please feel free to share/post any ideas you have also!

Taking the time to write or draw the things we're thankful for is a great exercise for kids. The process of compiling the list challenges us to realize things we take for granted. My girls enjoy making cards for family & friends just to say "I love you!". Some kids would rather call or write a note or even play piano on the phone for widowed Aunt Sally in Okoboji. There are lots of creative ways to think of people we love & do for them. Some years we go around the dinner table & list what we're grateful for. This is neat, but I advise the girls ahead of time to think of things or we get comments that copy the person before us. It's critical each child think about her own life. One thing we're doing this year is to talk about how having enough to eat is a big reason to be grateful. We're having discussions about how families live in the 3rd world & about local food banks. We've donated dinners & the girls carry the food in after we gather it. On one hand, I'm grateful my girls never worry about where the next meal is coming from, yet on the other I'm concerned they don't reallize how great it is that Daddy & Mommy work so hard to make this life they enjoy.

Continue reading "Happy Thanksigivin', Pilgrim" »

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This week I went for a dental cleaning. I love those...almost as much as trying on swimsuits & watching Nascar. I had a big ole xray with the camera encircling my head. I got the update on Mary's boys during the cleaning. The dentist came in & things continued well. That beepy thing never flipped out inspecting my teeth..hallelujah! I thought I was scot free until he said, "I'm going to have you visit the oral surgeon with your xray" Cold fear & confusion. WHY? Well, the roots of 2 bottom teeth touch & look weird in the xray. Probably nothing. Just want to check. Check what? Well, if he needs to biopsy. BIOPSY my gums?! WAHHH!!

I left feeling I was twirling undersea. A spectacular day of autumnal glory became muted. A biopsy just sounded painful. Then the idea that some horrible thing is growing in my jaw really wigged me out. I called my sister who did her best to comfort me as only a sister can, saying (ala Ah-nold), "You have a toom-ah, so vat?" We laughed like loons & shared gallows humor as I reeled inside. I felt I'd fallen through Alice's rabbit hole, & I just wanted my old life back!

Continue reading "Root of the Problem" »

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Life's not easy. Most of us struggle with certain thorny issues periodically. Explaining that to kids is hard. Geez, explaining it to adults is hard! I tell the girls life is like a boat with little holes in the bottom which we navigate during our time on earth. There are a few strategies to navigating with leakage. One is to hope something else will save us, then bail like crazy once the water is a problem for us. Bailing is essentially doing the daily work of life. Another way to lessen the flow is to learn to install a motor that keeps us moving faster than the water accumulates. I Iiken this to practicing skills & behaviors that enable us to address our issues head on. Another option is to beg others to bail for us. But, as they're bailing their own boats too, this is not wise to do for long. Each of us is responsible for our own boats. Finally, we could find ways to patch our boats by considering the type holes we have & doing the labor of actually sealing the holes. This is the most effective means of dealing with holes, but is the most time consuming.

Life is work. This seems to come as a shock to some. Perhaps because we started life as kids. Kids who saw the world as a place to play. That need never really leaves us to varying degrees. I have to laugh when my girls act like having them do small chores is so cruel. Or every morning when the youngest announces I'm the meanest Mom in the world because I (gasp!) insist she brush her hair. They seem to have no problem with me doing all the work, though. Kids have a worldview that they should be taken care of, nothing bad should happen & they should never have to do what they don't want to do. Parenting is helping them get past these misconceptions. Maturity is facing it's not easy to live a good life & yet still choosing to try. Anytime I realize I'm living with an underlying expectation that I should be taken care of, nothing bad should happen or I should not have to do any work in a situation, I remember that's a child's view & discipline myself to start bailing & patching again. I encourage the girls that it's never too late to start patching!

Continue reading "Row, Row Your Own Darn Boat" »

Posted by Sassypants at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The dizzying plethora of volunteer options grows exponientially, I swear! This year I 'm creating the school directory with a new database. It was an experience just getting the data all entered & proofed. Then came creating the book itself, the formatting, the ads were solicited & next the sacred document will be printed. Upon it's completion I'll camp at school with whomever I can draft to sort, label & dispense the finished products. Our directories are free, so one goes home with the youngest child in each family. That requires noting multiple kid families of the 600+ students & dividing the books by classes for distribution. Some moms bought extras, so we add that to their delivery. Then we'll hear from everyone who didn't like something or whose information was inadvertently erroneous. In January, we'll publish corrections & new student additions. The project will easily exceed 60 hours of manual labor.

I believe in the value of volunteer work. We have benefits that come simply because of kind souls willing to give up chunks of their private lives or dip into their own resources to bless the kids. From the Fall Festival to helping in Math class so a teacher can work with small groups to lending a pickup truck, I feel fortunate to live in a community that values the quality of school years.

Continue reading "Blood, Sweat & Volunteers" »

Posted by Sassypants at 07:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

It's wonderful how some people touch many during their time here on earth. This week it's been remarkable how many of my friends have expressed shock & sadness at the death of Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter. He was a beloved figure in the western world. Kids & adults were drawn to the spunky Aussie who loved wild animals & thrilled to teach us about them whether they were sweet or cuddly or not. Ya just had to love the guy, no matter what nutso thing he was doing! His passion was utterly compelling. Utterly.

He leaves behind 2 darling little children, a wife who adored him & a father who stated he's "lost his best mate". That part has been bringing tears to my eyes each time I think of it. What a lovely, lovely thing for a child & a parent to forge an adult friendship. It's one of my greatest goals in the midst of the rigors of this child rearing gig. Steve Irwin was, by all accounts, a man who loved well and was well loved. You cannot say that about many folks. But this recent turn of events has reminded me I want that said of me one day & of my children, as well. I want to make choices that foster a life well lived & educate/inspire my daughters to do the same. Steve Irwin seemed to have admirably accomplished that in his 44 yrs here, in addition to all the wonderful educating work he contributed. The guy had the full vegemite sandwich (Aussie for whole enchilada). It's beautifully encouraging to the rest of us.

Continue reading "Real Crocodile Tears" »

Posted by Sassypants at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

My girls started school this week. It was a hectic, wonderful, bitttersweet adventure ride. It's always a bit exciting to meet the new teachers & see what the new year promises. I see clearly how fast time is passing, far too fast for my taste. Yet it's so cool to watch as my girls adjust to the next level of maturity expected in their new grade. I'm ever aware my job is to raise healthy, courageous women who'll one day soar as high as their wings will take them. That's my head talkin'. My heart handles the other part of the equation which is trying to give them a strong sense of self, family & home. Deep, stabilizing roots are as critical for children as confident, determined wings.

I love how warm & snuggly childhood years are. As they grow, we'll hit new stages, but man, this part is usually pretty great! The girls need me alot yet, & I know that gives me a certain value in my own estimation. I remind myself this too must evolve with time & maturation. I'm going to have to accept a new normal in the next couple years as my oldest nears junior high. She deserves to feel respected & capable. Sometimes it's hard to let our babies venture forth into the world. It's exacting to endure the slights & stings they occasionally experience out there in the melee. I'm trying to learn from my girlfriends who have children older than mine so I can understand the path ahead. Half the battle with me is minimizing the amount of things that hit me unexpectedly. I stink at fast responses. So I monoitor my need to be validated by what I do for my kiddos.

Continue reading "Broken Hallelujah" »

Posted by Sassypants at 09:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

One of my oldest & dearest friends got married this weekend. It was amazing to see her walk down the aisle (for the 1st time!) at age 40. She looked fabulous & it was a beautiful lovefest. Clara Grace, my 8 yr old, was a Flower Girl. She'd desperately wanted to be one, & I thought perhaps she'd missed her moment. But Elizabeth saved us with her generous request for Clara Grace be in her wedding. It truly made my daughter's summer. But she wasn't the only one to be blessed. Weddings are remarkable places to look across the tables & see how life ebbs & flows. I found my heart full of admiration for a few of the women who gathered to celebrate a new chapter in Elizabeth's journey.

Over years & across miles, a select few of us have held fast to our friendships & become sisters. We're Elizabeth's adopted family to compliment her bio one. So it was a blessing to meet the groom's family who, by extension, would kinda be our new family. They're tremendous folks. Looking around after the ceremony I noticed the Moms tending their kiddos. There was the spectrum from tender vigiliance over the infants to the adoring gazes of the mothers of the wedding couple. It struck me afresh how important family is. How critical a loving mother who never quits trying to raise good kids is to the whole scheme of things & how our unique paths to parenting are each amazing. (How terrific the dads were is another blog...)

Continue reading "Flower Girl Dreams" »

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It's been reported that at Nicole Kidman's wedding to Keith Urban, he sang "Making Memories of Us". On a whim, I got the cd to see what Nicole sees in this guy. And oh my...what a man! Listen to the chorus & picture her hearing her groom sing, "And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you, And I'll earn your trust making memories of us" He goes on to declare, "I wanna stand out in a crowd for you; A man among men. I wanna make your world better than it's ever been" I confess I sobbed. Because I'm married to a man among men, it hit me how very much I want that for my daughters. I want them to find a guy who's the whole package. My own path to Mr. Right was crooked. I want better for them. I want them to choose someone who's the whole package & also for them to be a whole package themselves. It's my great hope my girls never settle.

We have a good marriage & seeing a healthy example is key. But there are things I want to teach my girls. I've begun to explain some kids act nice because they want you to like them & when you do, they act mean. If that happens, just leave. There are plenty of truly nice kids out there. Never do I want them to know the humiliation or grief that comes from sacrificing your dignity for someone who doesn't deserve it. Never do I want them to think that they have to settle for someone who isn't healthy, tender or devoted. Never do I want them to find themselves broken & ashamed of what their life has become. That's partly why we discuss the importance of manners & respect now that they're young. I believe if I instill a strong understanding of self-respect & fortify it with a clear expectation of such from others, then they can avoid traps I did not. I've even begun to work on communicating the idea that we try to help people, but in the end, people have to want to be helped. Sometimes you have to move on to others who appreciate your help & give you some back. I'm not sure if they get it overall, but hey, in case co-dependency is hereditary....

Continue reading "Makin' Memories of Us" »

Posted by Sassypants at 07:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I was recalling the days before I had children. Days when I was very sure what children today needed. Days when naughty children were automatically the fault of some wimp parent. Days when I thought children adoring me because I was such a fun auntie meant my own kids would, of course, follow suit. Oh, how simple & tidy the world was before I had to live in it. Now I know raising kids is deceivingly complex, well it is if you want to do an excellent job. Because life is not simple, teaching it to wee ones is no walk in the park. It's likely deceiving because so many people do parent. The assumption is then, how hard could it be? Well, add up the number of stellar folks you know vs. the number of dorks. Exactly, girlfriend. Just because many do something does not signify it's easy or is done well by all. Pete's sake, take makeup for instance. Why are some people called makeup artists? But I digress...

One certainty I had before kids was my daughters would NEVER play with Barbie. Oh, I loved my Barbies, but they now violated my feminist sensibilities. A clear sign of patriarchal oppression. My daughters would be allowed to play with all sorts of toys whatever the gender preference. Barbie would only teach my daughter negative body image & to focus on externals. I doubted my daughter would ever even want a Barbie. Hysterical, isn't it? Of course, now I have daughters. Daughters who begged for Barbies & play with them occasionally but not obsessively. Daughters who rarely dress them anyway & play like they're doctors & animal trainers. Even their male friends under 5 enjoy them. I realized one day that trying to control my daughter's toys as if being feminine was "bad" was uncool. Isn't the best way to celebrate equality letting our daughters play with everything they enjoy while teaching strong values? Restricting them from Barbie now strikes me as anti-feminist. It's good to be a girl, dangit! I've come to see Barbies are really not Satan in a swell dress.

Continue reading "Bang Bang Barbie" »

Posted by Sassypants at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

One of the bests parts of being a mom is stuff they tell ya. My girls make me laugh all the time. Okay, sometimes they make me scream. But overall, we laugh most. When Clara Grace was 4 she announced she knew how Elvis died. I was shocked she'd contemplated this. She once asked about him & I'd mentioned he died of a heart attack. I believe I might've phrased it that he fell & died. So she smiles proudly & explains her theory thus, "Well, I think Elvis was wearing slippy shoes & he fell down. So he died. One time I had slippy shoes, Mommy & I fell down. I didn't die. But Elvis did. It was his slippy shoes, I think." So the mystery is cleared up. Alert the media. And put some tape on the soles of your shoes, folks, it's apparently quite dangerous out there. If it could happen to Elvis, it could happen to any of us.

Once at Disneyland she was very excited at a character breakfast & noted 2 huge squirrels ambling towards us. "Look!" she joyously squealed, "It's Chip & Dip!!" As you can imagine, we'll never let her live that down. I'll probably mention it at the wedding one day. Her other famous line came when she wanted to make an announcement. She was a newly minted 4 at the time. She raised her fairy wand & proclaimed, "Mommy! SCIENCE!" I was perplexed until it hit me. "Um Clara Grace, I think you mean SILENCE." Giggles erupted & a sweet little voice admitted, "Oh yeah, that's right, Mommy. I get mixed up." Likely this is the case when we visted a Jewish cemetary in Vienna & she asked if she could wear a harmonica, too. We call them yarmulkes, dear. More giggles.

Continue reading "Laughing All the Way" »

Posted by Sassypants at 08:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I have to confess I went out of state to attend a dear friend's shower, so I missed most of Father's Day. It kinda killed me even tho I was glad I went. We always try to make holidays & birthdays special in our home. We want the girls to have memories of family traditions of celebration & love to carry into their homes one day. Holidays & special days are just one way we show the people we daily take for granted how much we value them. So missing part of Father's Day was a tough call for me.

I prepared the girls to give Daddy lots of hugs & tell him how much he means to them. I explained how this is a very special holiday & they needed to take over for me this year. We chose & wrapped presents earlier in the week. One great gift was a tie from Snapfish.com. We had the girls' picture put on it. He got a kick out of that. My oldest bought him cards at school with money she'd earned from chores. They both signed to the degree they're capable. The 4 yr old is just now able to sign her name. We had to work on it a couple different nights because we also did cards for Grandpa & 4 yr old attention spans are tough. I think it's important they learn early the value of a written note of celebration or thanks. It's never too young to start helping them understand that manners are really just a way to honor & respect others.

Continue reading "3 Cheers for Good Daddies!" »

Posted by Sassypants at 12:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m not proud to report this incident. Let’s be clear about that. My 4 yr old, Ava, is precocious. One of those little charmers who’s really a cosmic message not to have any more because the mixing of your genes is now a slippery slope, dear. She hit me with a another of her signature whoppers recently. What’s astounding is she taught ME something in the process. Kills me to admit it, but that kid’s teaching me a lot. The primary lesson being parenting is not for sissies.

We had to leave a party a little early. Miss Ava was not pleased. She quibbled as I ushered her to the car. Once in, she announced in a frustrated tone that she’s just a spoiled brat. That’s not a term we use. I was shocked. Not liking labels, I insisted she was not a brat, just that her choices weren’t positive. She was adamant that indeed she was a brat and went on to add, & here’s where I knew I was in trouble, “and it’s YOUR fault, Mom!”

Continue reading "It's YOUR fault!" »

Posted by Sassypants at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I spent this weekend sleeping on the bottom bunk beneath my 8 yr old. Two dear friends slept under their daughters also. We had a grand weekend at Girl Scout Camp, all in all. Especially if you don’t count cold showers, lumpy beds or the lack of masseuses & vino available. But seriously, it was cool to share with our daughters who had a blast flying down the zipline & floating around the pond. I came away feeling great about the value of Girl Scouts in my daughter’s life.

Some of my best childhood memories were from Scouting. I believe in being a good person, a good friend & a good citizen. Those lessons were underscored by the badges we earned. Scouting can be an awesome way for girls to develop strong moral character. Of course, good parenting is key, but scouting can be a wonderful tool.

Continue reading "Girl Scout Camp" »

Posted by Sassypants at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

I don’t claim to have children who are not picky eaters. Most kids are picky to some degree. But I do have the two bite rule. No matter how completely gnarly you are just sure it LOOKS, you must try those two (decent sized!) bites. One my hugest peeves is those who only look & think they don’t like it. Maybe they don’t. The point is failure to try is not helpful.

The other day my 4 yr old said to her sister. “You need to at least try a bite because what if you like it? You need to TRY!” That’s the true spirit of the 2-Bite Rule. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t like it. You’re done. But what if you do like it? What if your vision of the world expands to include another good thing? That’s why when they do discover they like something, we get excited...

Continue reading "Two Bite Rule" »

Posted by Sassypants at 08:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

What advice might I have for a new mother? A friend asked and I was staggered to consider the question. There is so much to say!

I guess the biggest thing is stay on yourself to be a good example. The role of Mother is precious, honorable & joyous, but it’s only part of who we are. We’ve a special responsibility to keep growing as women. How will our kids learn to blossom if we’ve not done so? We must nourish our selves in order to properly nourish them. Beware the seduction of believing that mothering is an end in itself. Never stop trying to live your best life & be your best self. Never. Strive for balance in your life.

Continue reading "Advice for a New Mother" »

Posted by Sassypants at 08:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Growing up I often heard how important family is. I even heard ministers say you can’t understand God’s loves until you’ve been a parent. (I ache for those who were disenfranchised by this.) Parenting is surely a sacred trust that brings special joys. I’m concerned about the ugly underbelly of thinking parenting makes us superior. It’s a subtle snobbery ‘cuz it’s a good thing tainted. Having kids does not mean you “get” life any better than anyone else. Greater understanding is earned through diligence to honest priorities. You don’t need kids for that! Never let yourself condescend to those who don’t have kids. Maybe parenting has taught you to be a better person, that doesn’t mean it’d do the same for everyone. Leave some room for other life experiences.

Continue reading "Parenting is Sacred" »

Posted by Sassypants at 08:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

It’s hard to be a Mom. You hear that before kids, but they aren’t very specific. Maybe there’s no way to properly articulate the grueling nature of trying to be a good parent. Perhaps ‘cuz it’s not something ya do & go home like mountain climbing or performing colo-rectal surgery. Sure, those are really hard, but you go home afterwards. Parenting’s more like trying to find a cure for disease. Our end result optimally has to be rendered healthy, happy, well mannered & prepared for life! YIKES! Who can prepare someone for life? I’m still in the middle of it, for cryin’ out loud! Wouldn’t an expert be better for such a critical task? When the hormones ebb the farthest, I ask myself this between sobs while devouring a bag of salt-n-vinegar chips.

Continue reading "It's hard to be a Mom" »

Posted by Sassypants at 02:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)