MomMe TV Blog :: "Tara Says"

I begin my Gratitude List with our family, friends, health, safe community, good schools, etc. My material goods are further down. A housefire can take them & I'd rebuild (well, except for losing the pictures, for some reason that'd just kill me). But If we lost our health or there was terrible strife in our family, it'd be truly devastating. As parents, we're to teach our kids our values through lessons, discussion, & actions. Kids who think it's essential to get a BMW for their 16th or can't live without their cell or Gameboy are missing the mark. We've got to make sure our children value what matters most. Strong morals & values do not just happen, even in good families. Learning to live with gratefulness & purpose are disciplines we work on most of our lives. It's never too early to start.

The critical element of gratefulness is being genuinely present to notice the details. Our lives are filled with the thrum of our activities & commitments, but are we truly aware of the good while it's happening? Are we missing the simple joys, mundane acts of goodness, the love being daily offered to us? It's easy to stop paying attention to what truly matters. Living with purpose is focusing on what we value most & not just mindlessly going along. It requires a bit of effort, thought & determination. Yet a life lived thoughtfully renders us personally fulfilled & enabled to share the best of who we are. Andy Wickstrand, environmental advocate, said it this way, "I believe when we live without intention something integral is vacant from our souls and indeed all of humanity misses out." It's so true! We've got to get beyond letting others or even the rush of life tell us what to do. We can take back our destinies at any moment & our children need to know that.

Continue reading "Must Be Present to Win" »

Posted by Sassypants at 09:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Thanksgiving is comin' soon. Oh, the food! The fall-themed decorations! Families gathering! We Moms have so much to do! Has stopping a moment to think of all we have to be grateful for made the List? Have we told our loved ones we're thankful for them? Have we challenged them to consider what they're grateful for in their own lives? It's easy to give lip service to the idea we should be thankful. I mean, we all think that's a great idea. But kids learn little from our intentions & so much from our actions.

I'm culling a list of ideas for helping kids consider & express their gratitude. It feels great for me to think of all the things I'm thankful for in this chapter of my life. Freshens my perspective & energizes me. I want that for my children as well. Being grateful gives us a worldview that nourishes & propels us through the days. That's why I try to create or leverage every teachable moment I can. Please feel free to share/post any ideas you have also!

Taking the time to write or draw the things we're thankful for is a great exercise for kids. The process of compiling the list challenges us to realize things we take for granted. My girls enjoy making cards for family & friends just to say "I love you!". Some kids would rather call or write a note or even play piano on the phone for widowed Aunt Sally in Okoboji. There are lots of creative ways to think of people we love & do for them. Some years we go around the dinner table & list what we're grateful for. This is neat, but I advise the girls ahead of time to think of things or we get comments that copy the person before us. It's critical each child think about her own life. One thing we're doing this year is to talk about how having enough to eat is a big reason to be grateful. We're having discussions about how families live in the 3rd world & about local food banks. We've donated dinners & the girls carry the food in after we gather it. On one hand, I'm grateful my girls never worry about where the next meal is coming from, yet on the other I'm concerned they don't reallize how great it is that Daddy & Mommy work so hard to make this life they enjoy.

Continue reading "Happy Thanksigivin', Pilgrim" »

Posted by Sassypants at 06:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

They say the best gift you can give your kids is to love their mother/father. When you're married, there are days when this is the hardest thing of all to do, sister. Since I want my daughters to see a loving, healthy marriage firsthand, I work hard to protect our relationship. The vast majority of the time I adore, respect & love my husband. He's the most amazing man I ever knew. That said, there are days when it becomes crystal clear to me how important it is to own my stuff in life. I've noticed the moment I begin blaming him, overtly or unconsciously, things get tough (and vice versa). When I own my own choices & balance that with respecting he does not have to meet my every expectation, we do great. And vice versa!

Continue reading "The Best Gift is Ownership" »

Posted by Sassypants at 01:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

This week I went for a dental cleaning. I love those...almost as much as trying on swimsuits & watching Nascar. I had a big ole xray with the camera encircling my head. I got the update on Mary's boys during the cleaning. The dentist came in & things continued well. That beepy thing never flipped out inspecting my teeth..hallelujah! I thought I was scot free until he said, "I'm going to have you visit the oral surgeon with your xray" Cold fear & confusion. WHY? Well, the roots of 2 bottom teeth touch & look weird in the xray. Probably nothing. Just want to check. Check what? Well, if he needs to biopsy. BIOPSY my gums?! WAHHH!!

I left feeling I was twirling undersea. A spectacular day of autumnal glory became muted. A biopsy just sounded painful. Then the idea that some horrible thing is growing in my jaw really wigged me out. I called my sister who did her best to comfort me as only a sister can, saying (ala Ah-nold), "You have a toom-ah, so vat?" We laughed like loons & shared gallows humor as I reeled inside. I felt I'd fallen through Alice's rabbit hole, & I just wanted my old life back!

Continue reading "Root of the Problem" »

Posted by Sassypants at 05:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Life's not easy. Most of us struggle with certain thorny issues periodically. Explaining that to kids is hard. Geez, explaining it to adults is hard! I tell the girls life is like a boat with little holes in the bottom which we navigate during our time on earth. There are a few strategies to navigating with leakage. One is to hope something else will save us, then bail like crazy once the water is a problem for us. Bailing is essentially doing the daily work of life. Another way to lessen the flow is to learn to install a motor that keeps us moving faster than the water accumulates. I Iiken this to practicing skills & behaviors that enable us to address our issues head on. Another option is to beg others to bail for us. But, as they're bailing their own boats too, this is not wise to do for long. Each of us is responsible for our own boats. Finally, we could find ways to patch our boats by considering the type holes we have & doing the labor of actually sealing the holes. This is the most effective means of dealing with holes, but is the most time consuming.

Life is work. This seems to come as a shock to some. Perhaps because we started life as kids. Kids who saw the world as a place to play. That need never really leaves us to varying degrees. I have to laugh when my girls act like having them do small chores is so cruel. Or every morning when the youngest announces I'm the meanest Mom in the world because I (gasp!) insist she brush her hair. They seem to have no problem with me doing all the work, though. Kids have a worldview that they should be taken care of, nothing bad should happen & they should never have to do what they don't want to do. Parenting is helping them get past these misconceptions. Maturity is facing it's not easy to live a good life & yet still choosing to try. Anytime I realize I'm living with an underlying expectation that I should be taken care of, nothing bad should happen or I should not have to do any work in a situation, I remember that's a child's view & discipline myself to start bailing & patching again. I encourage the girls that it's never too late to start patching!

Continue reading "Row, Row Your Own Darn Boat" »

Posted by Sassypants at 01:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The dizzying plethora of volunteer options grows exponientially, I swear! This year I 'm creating the school directory with a new database. It was an experience just getting the data all entered & proofed. Then came creating the book itself, the formatting, the ads were solicited & next the sacred document will be printed. Upon it's completion I'll camp at school with whomever I can draft to sort, label & dispense the finished products. Our directories are free, so one goes home with the youngest child in each family. That requires noting multiple kid families of the 600+ students & dividing the books by classes for distribution. Some moms bought extras, so we add that to their delivery. Then we'll hear from everyone who didn't like something or whose information was inadvertently erroneous. In January, we'll publish corrections & new student additions. The project will easily exceed 60 hours of manual labor.

I believe in the value of volunteer work. We have benefits that come simply because of kind souls willing to give up chunks of their private lives or dip into their own resources to bless the kids. From the Fall Festival to helping in Math class so a teacher can work with small groups to lending a pickup truck, I feel fortunate to live in a community that values the quality of school years.

Continue reading "Blood, Sweat & Volunteers" »

Posted by Sassypants at 07:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

It's wonderful how some people touch many during their time here on earth. This week it's been remarkable how many of my friends have expressed shock & sadness at the death of Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter. He was a beloved figure in the western world. Kids & adults were drawn to the spunky Aussie who loved wild animals & thrilled to teach us about them whether they were sweet or cuddly or not. Ya just had to love the guy, no matter what nutso thing he was doing! His passion was utterly compelling. Utterly.

He leaves behind 2 darling little children, a wife who adored him & a father who stated he's "lost his best mate". That part has been bringing tears to my eyes each time I think of it. What a lovely, lovely thing for a child & a parent to forge an adult friendship. It's one of my greatest goals in the midst of the rigors of this child rearing gig. Steve Irwin was, by all accounts, a man who loved well and was well loved. You cannot say that about many folks. But this recent turn of events has reminded me I want that said of me one day & of my children, as well. I want to make choices that foster a life well lived & educate/inspire my daughters to do the same. Steve Irwin seemed to have admirably accomplished that in his 44 yrs here, in addition to all the wonderful educating work he contributed. The guy had the full vegemite sandwich (Aussie for whole enchilada). It's beautifully encouraging to the rest of us.

Continue reading "Real Crocodile Tears" »

Posted by Sassypants at 04:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Bedmaking is controversial. Why make your bed? After all, you’re just going to mess it up again. For years this was my mantra. Sure, I thought it’d be great if I did make it, I just didn’t have the time. I’d had to make my bed as a girl, so it felt great to choose not to as an adult. Over time, that thrill grew old, but I remained convinced I was not a made-bed person. Those people were very together. I was not together, so I didn’t make my bed. That simple.

Many years of bad choices pass, finally I figure out how to own my life. Enter the man of my dreams who (can you even believe it?!) wants to marry me. The great news is he believes in me. He's an achiever. A guy ya have to admire for all he is & does. Why would he want me? I still don’t know for sure. He taught me the secrets of being a doer & not just an intender. Bedmaking is part of that philosophy. At first it was a pain, but I did it to prove I was no slouch (which I was). Over time, it hit me that it literally takes a minute to make a bed. Why had I always thought I didn’t have time? My own myth exploded on me. I even began daring myself to do it when I felt I didn’t have time. (Yes, sick!) Then after a couple years it hit me. I was a bedmaker! I finally made the connection that the bed represented my not justifying why I couldn't or cutting corners anymore. I just did the work. I'd always thought I needed to get it together on big issues & then get to the small ones. Turns out I had it backwards!

Continue reading "Makin' It" »

Posted by Sassypants at 08:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Germs. Predators. Accidents. Bullies. Stress. Heartbreak. Hallitosis. We worry that so many things will harm our children. I confess there’s a tiny piece of me hoping if I worry enough & give proper vitamins, I’ll earn extra cosmic insurance. Ludicrous, of course. It just kinda kills me I can’t protect them completely. Still, tough times happen to all, so getting through them with grace & dignity is critical. It changed my life to realize I'm the one who's supposed to teach them that part.

When it comes down to it, All I can truly control is myself, so the only thing I can truly protect them from is my poor example. By living each day mindfully (not on stressed autopilot) I’m

Continue reading "Protecting Our Kids" »

Posted by Sassypants at 07:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)