Alone at Last
Did you hear that? Me neither. And it’s the most beautiful sound around – silence. My husband is at work and my kids, after 12 loud, active, busy, arguing with me and each other weeks, are finally back to school.
I love summer and always look forward to it, but it’s those last few weeks when camps are over and the prevailing whine is, “I’m bored, I’m hungry or my brother is bothering me” (or all three at once, which I call the anxiety trifecta), that lets me know it is time for summer to end. I’m not alone in thinking this. I have been running into other mothers who greet each other with the cryptic phrase, “It’s almost time”. I can see the visions of solo coffee lattes dancing in their heads.
Occasionally, I have run into the aberrant mom who, when faced with the standard greeting, “It’s almost time”, sighs heavily and responds, “I’m so sad. I’m gonna miss my kids”. She is, of course, welcome to her opinion but my theory is that she is 1) lying to me to appear to be a better mom, 2) lying to herself (see same reason as number 1) or 3) on better medication that I am. Either way, she is off my invite-out-to-coffee list.
My kids are ready to go back to school, too. Forget New Year’s Eve, back to school time is the real time for starting fresh.
Remember the smell of new markers, the perfection of new, uniformly sharpened pencils, the feel of new school shoes and the crackle of newly opened composition notebooks? Add to that the hope that your mom will buy you the 64-pack of crayons (with built in sharpener) even though the supply list only asks for 24. Back to school is a delight to the senses and shopping for my kid’s school supplies always brings back that feeling. Ahhh, I love the smell of notebooks in the morning.
What I especially like about this time of year is that you get to start with a completely clean slate: new teachers, new classmates, and a new chance for success. For my kids this year, the slate doesn’t get any cleaner. They are both starting new schools (middle school and high school) and they will need to step out of their comfort zones. My daughter, who in the past often found herself on the social periphery, has announced to me that she plans to change her approach and be an outgoing girl. During her orientation day last Friday, she walked up to a group of girls and actually introduced herself. I am so proud of her.
But at the same time, I envy her opportunity to reinvent herself. I had forgotten how powerful this cycle of renewal was until I remembered how, in my first real job out of college, I felt robbed when I realized that what I did one year would follow me on to the next. And what happened to my summer vacation anyway? In the “real world” that I was so anxious to join there was no logical ending and beginning point. This was the start of my real permanent record.
But instead of succumbing the endless routine that is life, I have decided to take a cue from my kids and make this fall one of personal changes. I will reinvent myself. Try on some new personas. I just wish Angelina Jolie wasn’t already taken.
In any case, I will start by reveling in my newfound silence and contemplate some options. If you have any ideas, give me a buzz and we’ll discuss it over a quite cup of coffee.